John Key to be interviewed on Big News

Prime Minister John Key is going to sell New Zealand to the blogosphere when he is interviewed by top political blog Big News next month.

Mr Key is booked for a mid-September blog post while he is in Auckland to speak at the Family First conference .

He is a key speaker at the forum.

"It's an opportunity to promote to the blogosphere what I really think, it's gold when it comes to New Zealand from a political point of view," Mr Key said today.

"This is a blog that hundreds of people visit worldwide, it really is a Big News opportunity."

Since the election Mr Key has focused on being all things to all people, every day in every way in all areas of New Zealand all the time.

"The blogger at Big News is very keen on New Zealand politics," he said. " He was last time we met".

"I understand he spent a fair bit of time ribbing Sue Bradford about how great New Zealand parents were, so I'm sure I'll be able to reinforce her comments."

Radio New Zealand incorrectly reported Key's interview on Big News was arranged by a National Party supporter who left a comment on Key's Facebook page.

Kiwi Party candidate jubilant after Mt Albert by election "victory"

Simonne Dyer, Kiwi Party candidate for Mt Albert said she was a bit puffed - she meant chuffed - as she celebrated a joint with joint place getter Dakta Green of the Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party after the recent Mt Albert by-election provisional results.

She was stoked and jubilant as she edged out United Future candidate Judy Turner in a close contest by three votes. United Future got 82 votes with the ALCP and Kiwi Parties both getting 85 votes - or 0.425% of the vote. It was the first time in any election anywhere in New Zealand that a former MP got less than 0.42% of the vote.

Fifth place getter Ben Boyce from the Bill and Ben Party - the party that would have held the balance of power in the 2008 general election had there been no 5% MMP threshold - said he was a bit pissed off that he was not invited to take part in the backbenchers debate earlier in the week, as had he been there he may have got the extra 793 votes, thus overtaking the John Boscawen, from the ACT party.

Dyer was encouraged that more than 50% didn't even bother to vote. She said that the low voting turnout could have been because Saturdays are busy days and kids get a bit naughty and sometimes need a smack. And you are not allowed to smack kids in polling booths, dissuading non-Labour voters. So it was no wonder Labour won. At a joint press conference with Dakta Green, she suggested that the next by-election could be held by postal or internet vote to avoid this problem. This would increase turnouts in future elections, by ensuring people stayed at home to turn out provided they had an internet connection. Green agreed because his supporters had a similar problem: It is illegal to smoke a joint at a polling booth.

Green said that a petition would be drawn up to that effect to force a citizens initiated referendum. Dyer suggested the question: "should smacking a good joint and smoking an offensive kid be part of parental correction in criminal Aotearoa?"

Green roared with laughter. And gave Dyer another joint.

Whanganui it may be

Whancy that. Wanganui may have a name change to Whanganui. Whortunately, some people will consider this is whantastic news whor sure, particularly the local iwi. Fat is going on? I really don’t know fy they didnt whink of it earlier.

Fill they change Feilding's name to Wheilding anytime soon?

The new working environment in a recession

Here a way to cut down costs and tighten up in a recession.

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Government cancels another summit

The National Government has cancelled another conference, with Prime Minister John Key describing it as "a waste of public money at a critical time".

During a line-by-line review of spending by the department of Prime Minister and Cabinet, Mr Key discovered the so-called "Summit on Employment", which was to be held in Auckland on February 27.

The summit, which was organised by bureaucrats, was to gather business leaders together from around the country to have a bit of a chat about employment-related issues.

"Employers are the life blood of our economy," said My Key, "We don't want them swanning around at some fancy conference venue eating sausage rolls - they should be at work employing people!"

More info here

GP has an abortion so she can get back to work performing abortions.

Independent MP Gordon Copeland is disappointed that Christchurch GP Dr. Pippa MacKay returned to work yesterday after having an abortion.

Her abortion was granted on the grounds that her mental health was at risk. She said she had been mildly depressed since lunchtime last Tuesday, but admitted the depression had suddenly got a lot worse.

"I`m not sure if I am more disappointed over the fact that Dr. Mackay returned to work after having an abortion or the fact that she had an abortion, " Mr. Copeland said. "And if her mental health was really at risk, what's she doing back at work?"

It is understood it was Dr. MacKay's second abortion and that she used contraception at conception. "I was fully protected," she said. "But unfortunately, not protected enough. I`m so depressed. It was lucky I made the decision to have an abortion before I got pregnant because I hate making these types of decisions when I have a new life inside of me".

"It's better aborting it out than adopting it out to some family that doesn't want it."

Right To Life spokesperson Ken Orr said the reason she was depressed was obvious. "She had an abortion. Had she kept the baby she would not be depressed and she would have been on paid parental leave, where she should be."

Dr. Mackay said she would like to have a child some day. "I would like to have a child some day," she said. "Sadly, I don`t have children, but we are trying very hard to have children. But unfortunately the time was not right. I am working overtime until the end of the month and the money`s really good."