Breaking news: Man goes out

This from Fiji Daily Post today.

It’s official: a man went out.

Neighbours reported that they saw him go out last night.

‘I thought he was just mad’, a woman opined while asking to remain anonymous.Another neighbour said he saw him open his door about ten o’clock.

‘Arreh, he went out’, he added.

When approached, the alleged man admitted to stunned reporters, ‘OK, yes, I went out’.

But he was unable to give a reason why.Asked if he would try it again, the man said, ‘yes, I think I like going out’.

Asked where he would go, the man said ‘out’.

Fijian media write stories about paint drying and getting on buses

Some great stories in the Fijian media recently. Thanks to censorship, they have to write about other things.

Paint has apparently dried on his old couch

Paint has apparently dried on his old couch, Max reports.

Given the job of painting the couch, Max was excited at the prospect of the paint drying. But when asked how it dried, he was nonplussed.

“It just went on wet, but after about four hours, it started to dry.That was when I realised, paint dries,” the young scholar observed.

Fiji Daily Post asked Max if he intended to do more painting.

“Oh yes,” he replied, “I like watching paint dry.”

Or this one:

Man gets on a bus

In what is believed to be the first reported incident of its kind, a man got on a bus yesterday.

“It was easy,” he said.“I just lifted one leg up and then the other and I was on”.

Fiji Daily Post reporters found witnesses willing to confirm the happening.

“Yes”, said one who asked to remain anonymous, “I saw him get on the bus”.

Another witness who also preferred to remain unidentified told this newspaper it was “the early morning bus”.

“I was waiting opposite the shop when I saw him run to catch the bus.”

What happened next was a remarkable feat – the man actually got on the bus, we believe. Students from a local school who had been waiting for two hours in the rain for the bus also confirmed that they saw the man board.

“We are happy for him”, one student remarked in terms reminiscent of Neil Armstrong (the first man to step onto the moon): “it may be one small step for him, but it is one giant step for the people of Fiji”