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Monday, June 23, 2008

Why I`m voting Labour


I’m voting Labour because being part of a collective gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling all over.
I’m voting Labour because common sense and the most basic of intelligence tells me Communism will work one day and we need to keep trying.
I’m voting Labour because true Communism has never been tried, and all it needs is another 70 years and 120 million deaths for it to work.
I’m voting Labour because otherwise New Zealand would be run by the Business Round Table.
I’m voting Labour because businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
I`m voting Labour cos I really like the snazzy graphs on The Standard.
I’m voting Labour because big corporations (powerful entities with lots of money made from selling people goods and services they want to buy), can’t be trusted; but Big Government (a powerful entity with lots of money extorted from its rightful owners), can be.
I’m voting Labour because I need to be told what is good and bad for me.
I’m voting Labour because I can’t and daren't think for myself.
I’m voting Labour because rich people should be told just how “fair” their fair share really is, without ever defining what “rich” is.
I’m voting Labour because thinking for myself is redundant when a politician or bureaucrat with a sociology degree or polytech diploma best interprets what’s good for me, how to spend my money, how to educate my children etc.
I’m voting Labour because I believe the government should be able to take the property and income I’ve worked for, and give it to someone else who refuses to work or save.
I’m voting Labour because I don’t pay enough tax.
I’m voting Labour because I want more soft-on-crime judicial appointments.
I’m voting Labour because I care about the real victims of crime — criminals. I’m voting Labour because everyone deserves dice-roll healthcare.
I’m voting Labour because motorists aren’t paying enough for petrol.
I'm voting Labour because I love riding my pushbike up steep hills on sleeting winter mornings to get to work.
I’m voting Labour because if I don’t have enough money, the government will take more of my money.
I’m voting Labour because they plan to increase the price of petrol to pay the Russian Mafia for Kyoto.
I’m voting Labour because truth and justice are too subjective.
I’m voting Labour because one day, I want be a victim too.
I’m voting Labour because I don’t understand human nature or economics.
I’m voting Labour because that I believe that two bludgers can live off one worker indefinitely.
I’m voting Labour because I love the idea of redistributing other people’s money.
I’m voting Labour because I feel guilty for having always worked hard.
I’m voting Labour because paying more than 50 percent of my income in combined taxes is not enough and I want to subsidise more illegal immigrants and hip hop tours.
I’m voting Labour because I fear ambition and success - the government must take care of me.
I’m voting Labour because I'm terrified of making decisions for myself.
I’m voting Labour because I’d prefer to live in a state house.
I’m voting Labour because I am tired of working for a living - I want a benefit.
I’m voting Labour because I‘m entitled to everyone else’s success, no matter how much harder they worked or how much more risk they took.
I’m voting Labour because I want more Sky channels for my new 65" flat screen that I bought with the rich pricks’ tax money - don't I deserve it for raising all these children on my own?
I’m voting Labour because I want smart people who worked hard all their life to pay for my bad choices and self-inflicted shortcomings.
I’m voting Labour because I am a victim of every earthly affliction.
I’m voting Labour because CO2 emissions must be drastically reduced to save our planet, even if our living standards revert to those prevailing in the Dark Ages. I’m voting Labour because I believe we need other countries’ permission for me to use my heater or drive a V8.
I’m voting Labour because farmers, hunters and fisherman don’t care about the environment, but dedicated activists who’ve never set foot outside the uni common room and Starbucks do.
I’m voting Labour because any person who flushes his travel documents on the plane should get massive legal aid to stay in New Zealand, bring out their whole family, and go on the dole.
I’m voting Labour because I believe making peace signs at people whose declared intention is to kill me will make them go away.
I’m voting Labour because I want the United Nations to govern my country.
I’m voting Labour because one day I want to press #4 for English
I’m voting Labour because all this middle class guilt is killing me.
I’m voting Labour because the real cure for racism is hate speech laws and preferential policies based on race.
I’m voting Labour because young Kiwis should be brainwashed at school instead of learning useless stuff like Maths and English.
I’m voting Labour because I’d rather everybody was illiterate and ignorant and never questioned anything the government does as long as Nanny State guarantees that I can live off other people for the rest of my life.
I’m voting Labour because an inflated and unjustified sense of self-esteem is more important than teaching kids to read, write, or critically analyse anything.
I’m voting Labour because competitive, externally moderated examinations are elitist.
I’m voting Labour because my Dad and his father before him voted Labour.
I'm voting Labour because I trust Michael Cullen to make the trains run on time.
I'm voting Labour because I think Judith Tizard is a hottie.
I'm voting Labour because the new generation of Labour politicians have a solid grounding in uni student politics and trade unionism.
I'm voting Labour because all those snakes and spiders in Australia are scary.
I'm voting Labour because the polls are wrong.
I'm voting Labour because they have the uncanny knack of saying exactly what I'm feeling. feminist girlfriend said she’d dump me if I didn’t.
But most of all I'm voting Labour because I LOVE MY UBER NANNY - HELEN CLARK!

UPDATE I initially got this emailed to me by a reader and have just discovered the source. And I have discovered that the writer, Southern Raider, got his idea from either this Town Hall Column, - or this You Tube video as some of the phrases are either identical or similar. The least I could do is acknowledge that.

Labels:

Scoopit!

4 Comments:

Blogger Lindsay said...

Good on you Dave. Your loyalty is commendable. Perhaps I should return to the fold. Then I could be equally 'inspired'.

June 22, 2008 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger Roger. Mellie said...

Ahem
http://imvotinglabour.blogspot.com

June 22, 2008 at 2:10 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Thanks for that. I discovered the source of this and have linked it. I initially got it emailed to me. Then I saw your comment. So thanks for pointing it out.

June 22, 2008 at 3:38 PM  
Blogger Truth Seeker said...

One could write the same stuff in the opposite direction, too:

You'd be voting National so the self-appointed elites in that party can patronise, condescend and ignore you as they always have.

You'd be voting National because you can think for yourself and deep down you know they don't care what you think. They know better.

..and so on. Fun...but not truthful, fair, accurate or remotely close to good analysis.

June 22, 2008 at 4:57 PM  

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